THE AGONY OF A MISCARRIAGE

They usually say that couples who have no children are hit the most when they miscarry. I beg to disagree because for the mother to be, whether it is her first or her last, the life growing inside her is the most important thing for her and she will do anything for it.

I already had two daughters and was expecting my third child. Ten weeks into the pregnancy, I started spotting. I went to the hospital and they booked me in for a scan for the next day and sent me home.  The spotting turned to bleeding and before I realised it, it was as if a bloody tap had been turned on inside me. By this time, I had already admitted myself to the hospital, as those were the instructions – “If you start bleeding we will admit you”.

The bleeding continued but by evening, it has lessened. I was sent home and went in for the scan the next day. The results of the scan came and the doctor told me, “I am sorry – there is no evidence that you were pregnant. Looks like you have lost the baby”. My world fell apart. I could not control myself. My parents were with me and they both consoled me telling me things like maybe it was not meant to be and that I should be thankful that I had two beautiful and healthy children. I know they meant well and in a way they were right but at that point, I was angry and upset.

WHAT IS A MISCARRIAGE?

A miscarriage is when you lose your foetus before 20 weeks into the pregnancy. It is also called “spontaneous abortion”.

EFFECTS OF A MISCARRIAGE

DEPRESSION – You lose the will to live. I lost interest in everything around me and was crying continuously. The worst part was the day I miscarried, HRH Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge was also admitted to hospital and she was ten weeks pregnant too. Her baby was due around the same time that I would have had mine.

A FEELING OF EMPTINESS – Despite all the consoling from my dear and near ones, I felt that I had lost the most important thing in the world. My younger daughter always talked about having a little sister or brother and almost four years down, I feel that I have failed her, as she keeps on saying how wonderful it would be to have a little baby.

WITHDRAWAL FROM SOCIETY – I withdrew into a shell – not talking to anybody. I went into work after a week and apart from telling my line manager what had transpired, I just clammed up. I was like a zombie going through the motions of living, talking to no one. Even my mother was not successful in getting a word out of me. It took me almost two months to gradually come back into the land of the living.

HOW I AM COPING FOUR YEARS DOWN THE LINE

I am not. I mourn for it on its “anniversary” and at all family events; I think about what might have been. Today, I see pictures of Prince George, the son of Kate Middleton, and think about my child. They say time is a great healer, but I do not think I will ever get over the loss of my baby.

No one really knows how I die a death every single day.